Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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