Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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