I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize