Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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