So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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