Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
