she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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