Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
