apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
