Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
