When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
