1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
