Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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