some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize