I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I love having hate sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
