Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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