The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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