That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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