Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize