My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
