Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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