i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
