I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
