Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
