Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
