people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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