I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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