never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
