if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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