I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
