so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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