Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
