i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
