I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
