Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
