I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
