Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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