Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
