And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
