yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
