i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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