party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize