I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize