Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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