i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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