We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
