4 words: hood of his car
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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