did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
