Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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