I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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