All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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