I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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