Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
