i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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