don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
