my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
