No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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