I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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