I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
