i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
