you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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