im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
