I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
